There's a new Twins ballpark opening downtown, and the Twins are celebrating with a radio commercial set to the tune of 'Home on the Range' (though the celebration seems a bit premature to me, given that the club still has to sell tickets in the park they've allowed to become known as the cesspit of the American League).
In honor of the Twins sagacity in opening the new park, I've decided to write some alternate lyrics to their celebration song:
New ballpark downtown
Where Mauer and Morneau will play,
Where it's pleasant and dry, except in July,
And in August, and April, and May.